Am I on Mute?
On any given workday I am in four or five virtual meetings including meetings with my team. No one would ever accuse me of being shy and retiring; I did theater long before everyone was individually miked. So, imagine my surprise when I offered a solution during one of those virtual meetings that was greeted with no response whatsoever. I texted my teammate and asked, “Am I on mute?” “No, you’re not on mute”, she said. “I hear you.”
To say I was shocked is an understatement. I work with the most diverse team I have ever known. I am articulate, educated, and experienced. How could they not hear me?! Some time later, I attended a conference with one of the guys that was on that same call. Face to face, I told him what had happened and his response was, “We don’t do that!… Do we?” I didn’t think I was being maliciously ignored by my team but I really had no idea they were just completely oblivious.
Asked to present on another topic at a recent conference, I overheard three different women share the exact same story of being unheard. It happens more often than we realize; we just seem desensitized to it. I asked my daughter if she ever experienced anything similar. She said, “Like doing the homecoming float?” All the dads were doing the heavy lifting; none of them were engineers. My daughter pointed out that if the goal posts on the float were too high, they would hit the power lines on the parade route. She was barely acknowledged. “It’s 10x worse if you’re 15 and a girl. Not only are you not taken seriously because you’re a female but because you’re a child.” Maybe you have a similar story?
Are you asking these three important questions?
- Am I on mute? Sometimes we really are; we mute ourselves. Why? Notice the control panel during a team meeting. Some members never mute themselves. Regardless. Much to everyone’s consternation. But there are team members who are always on mute. And when they do have something to say, they either forget they are on mute or, by the time they are able to “un-mute”, the conversation has moved to something else. Don’t mute yourself and encourage your female colleagues not to put themselves on mute either.
- Are others on mute? As women, we are sometimes better at speaking out for others than we are at speaking up for ourselves. So speak up for others! Don’t let them be on mute. Something as simple as, “Melissa, what do you think?” can make someone else’s voice heard.
- Are your allies on mute? Or, are you just assuming that they recognize or see the challenges you are facing? Two weeks after telling my colleague my “Am I on mute?” story, he called me to say, “We DO do that! I am so sorry! I just didn’t realize.” Once he was aware, he truly became that great ally that would literally stop a conversation and say, “Did you hear what Melissa said?”
In the movie, Hidden Figures, three brilliant African-American women at NASA — Katherine Johnson (Taraji P. Henson), Dorothy Vaughan (Octavia Spencer) and Mary Jackson (Janelle Monáe) — serve as the brains behind one of the greatest operations in history: the launch of astronaut John Glenn (Glen Powell) into orbit, a stunning achievement that restored the nation’s confidence, turned around the Space Race and galvanized the world. However, as amazing as those women were, they would not have had nearly the impact if Kevin Costner’s character had not used his power and privilege to make their voice heard.
And why does it matter? Beyond being the absolute right thing to do morally, it’s a proven fact that is makes sense professionally. According to Frans Johansson in The Medici Effect, “We have the best chance of coming up with great new ideas [innovation] when we mix diverse perspectives, fields, cultures, and backgrounds.” Diversity and innovation are what will define business success.
Let’s make certain no one is on mute and every voice is heard. Onward and upward!
